What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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