after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
