So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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