I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize