How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
