I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
