I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
