goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
