he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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