New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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