He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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