I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
