this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
