i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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