Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That accounts for only three of the penises
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
