worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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