Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
