I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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