I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
