I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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