I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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