Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
