..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
