I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
