is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
