The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
