I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
