Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
