i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
