Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
