I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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