you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
