Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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