I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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