One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
All the doctor said was why
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
