I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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