dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
