i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
