Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
