I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
