mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
