I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
