Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize