it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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