i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
