If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this boner is exhausting
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
