i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
