I want to have your abortion
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
