I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
