She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
do herpes really smell.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
