When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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