Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
