I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
