She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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