So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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