I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
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Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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