Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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