What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
