you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
