she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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