she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
