You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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